Even in the Dark (draft)

“We never know what might blow through the door like silent prayer, and how many of us entertain angles unaware” (Angles Unaware by Carrie Newcomer)

“The truth is not that it is going to be alright,
The truth is, it already is.” (Fredric Evans 1994)

Mostly when my life goes down hill I turn to my faith. For me, my faith and the worships I often turn to when in need is a very personal, individual kind of faith. I have had a hard time relying on my friends to help me through hard patches and it had never occurred to me to think of relying on others as a form of spirituality. For some reason however with my last bout of troubles I have been indeed turning to friends for guidance and support. Through this I have begun to learn how support from those who are close to you can be it a faith experience.
It is strange; the core of my belief, the most important fact in my faith journey has been the simple promise, and incredible leap that God is love. That, to know God one knows love and where love is that is God, is the very bases for my theology on so many levels. Yet accepting love and the caring that comes out of love, finding that an important and indispensable part of who I am and of my faith has been extremely hard for me. Partly I think this is because I don’t except help or the fact that I might need help easily and because I still find it hard, in this cynical world, to expect people to give help and act in love. So certainly when people do act in love and kindness I find this a blessing, but as incredible as this might sound I never quite made the mental connection that when people act in kindness toward me this is God, and we are experiencing a touching of personal faiths. I have long thought it extremely necessary on my faith journey to show kindness and love for others. However I am beginning to see that for my own theology and faith to bloom, I must also receive kindness and love from others. I can not only experience God through loving others and being kind to others, although this is certainly a powerful and necessary way of experiencing the divine, but I also must experience God be finding those who will also act with love towards me. To know God, then, I must love and be loved, both by people and the divine. I have already taken the leap of accepting and assuming Gods love, now I must take the leap of accepting and assuming the love of my friends, partner, and family. This I believe will bring me closer to God. As I write this, a small rose bush sits next to my compute. It was bought for me for no other reason then I was feeling down and love flowers. Someone was kind, and this is a blessing, this is God.