“Knock and the door will be opened for you” (Matthew 7:7)
Several months ago I went through clearness for a call to ministry through writing. I had felt strongly for several months before this that the writing I was doing on different subjects within Quakerism was Spirit led. However after going through clearness I stopped writing. I could and did sit in front of my computer while no words came. Part of my mind was concerned by this, but other parts brushed it aside, I was and still am looking for an Elder to help me with discernment about my writing. I was also overwhelmingly busy with school and work and so it was easy for me just to let my writing or lack of it slide to the back of my life. However last weekend I attended the FGC traveling ministries consultation in Pittsburg PA. While in meeting for worship on Friday night I received a strong sensation of a voice speaking to me. It said, “I have given you words but know it is time for you to listen.” Almost immediately afterwards a Friend rose and spoke of the things in our life we use as excuses for not following through with what God is leading us to do. Then another Friend spoke saying that we as gospel ministers need to not be afraid of taking risks and being wrong, trusting that our community will catch us when we fell. Later that weekend another Friend spoke of how it can feel as if God gives you a feeling that there is something She wants you to do then leaves you waiting for directions and how frustrating that can be. As she spoke I through that yes, this reminded me a lot of what had happened to me about my writing, as I thought this I had the physical sensation of turning around and there was a door held open.
I realized that God had not abandoned me and my writing, but I had been so set on expecting it to proceed in a certain way I had been blinded to God’s actual plan. I had been looking for the Spirit in all the wrong places. I have come to believe that God never simply leaves us just hanging as it were. Instead God is always there waiting just not always in the places we expect. Often we become so set in an idea that we will find God by doing this or in this place that we actually stop listening to all the hints and messages God is sending us. I know in my life sometimes it takes a while of fumbling around and missed opportunities on my part before I finial in my human imperfection realizing what it is I am being asked to do. It is also so easy for us to procrastinate to let other things eat up our time and take away our energy. What I always try to remember though is that God is always there, holding the door open patiently waiting for us to turn around.
